Late the other night, home alone, the lights off in the house, I was flipping channels and “accidentally” found myself intensely watching…. a late night TV preacher.

Not where you thought I was going, huh?

This wasn’t your stereotypical hellfire and brimstone, cheap polyester suit bible thumper. He was a young preacher with blue jeans and a power point talking about the neurological reasons that pornography makes you unhappy.

Porn hardwires a man’s brain for dissatisfaction because no real live woman can ever compete with an infinite supply of never aging, super sexual porn stars who never have bad hair days and never nag us to take out the trash.

Porn is simply another way of letting an imaginary there and then fuck up a perfectly good here and now.

But that isn’t the problem with porn.

The problem with porn is that we’ve let our need for immediate gratification, for wanting to have it all and if we can’t have it all then for at least getting to look at it all invade almost every area of our lives.

Psychology Today says that a full one third of Facebook users are unhappier after stalking their friends because real life is a dull substitute for the never ending stream of promotions, new kids and exciting vacations we see on our friends’ newsfeeds.

Not to mention entire industries devoted to feeding us visual stimulation and helpimg us part ways with our money.

House Porn with Vanilla Ice installing silky smooth new granite countertops and hardwood floors just like momma likes.

Car Porn with purring engines, dangerous curves and pumping pistons that get daddy all revved up.

Wiping peanut butter and jelly stains off your formica countertops and driving to work in your 9 year old Chevy is always going to pale in comparison.

And comparisons make us unhappy.

That’s one reason why I’ve always been dubious of The Secret and Law of Attraction aficionados who tell us to intensely imagine all the things we ever wanted and they will manifest into our lives. They have dream boards filled with collages of beautiful women, exotic sports cars, gold jewelry, 100 foot yachts and great big stacks of cold hard cash. And maybe if you concentrate hard enough, all of that stuff will just magically appear.

But if you spend all day staring at a dream board full of stuff you don’t have, you’re wasting time thinking about all the stuff you don’t have instead of being grateful for all the awesome stuff that you do have.

Porn, in all it forms, is an expression of ingratitude: “I like this shiny stuff better than my real stuff. Why, oh why, can’t I have nice stuff too?”

So here’s my version of THE SECRET:

Build yourself a dream board filled with pictures of all the amazing things that exist in your real life: The spouse who still loves you despite knowing what your morning breath smells like. The perfectly good home you live in now that gives you and your family a place to live, shelter from the storm. The 9 year old Chevy that gets you anywhere you want to go.

Just a few hundred years ago any king in the world would have given up half his possessions for your 3 bedroom ranch and 9 year old Chevy. And the vast majority of people walking the face of the earth today still would.

Instead of dreaming about what could be, be more grateful for what is. Rejoice in the way things are and try every day to make them just a little bit better.

That’s The Real Secret.

Terry Lancaster is the VP of Making S#!% Happen at Instant Events Automotive Advertising, father of 3 teenage daughters and a Beer League Hockey All Star, as if there could ever be such a thing.

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